5 years...

"With this ring, I declare my heart's longing to become one with you. From this moment forward, I dedicate my life to you. I promise to guard your heart and honor you, and promise to fight for your dreams and our growth as a partnership. With every passing day, I will encourage you and assist you in becoming everything Christ saved you to become. I will always be honest with you, and will constantly be there to protect you. I ask that God would use me as his vessel, in order to demonstrate his unceasing love for you. In your eyes I find acceptance. In your arms I find peace. By your side I find heaven." Bobby Gulley

On this beach five years ago, Bobby stood across from me saying these vows that he wrote. I can still remember the feeling standing there. Neither of us were nervous. I waited anxiously to walk down the aisle with my brothers their pace a little fast for my heels and dress in the sand. The moment it began smiles paved the way and down we walked. The water so blue, Bobby briefly looking serious, my brothers arms in mine. Focused gazes, tears, smiles riding up like the waves surrounding us. Everything felt so good. There was an easyness in the air. The weather was perfect. We had been surrounded by loved ones all weekend. There was comfort, excitement, emotion, and so much love. The emotional connectedness was between us and those around us was tight. I could feel everything.

Now, five years later in a life that sparked Bobby's imagination seven years ago in my college house on Lake drive. I attempted to do spanish homework while he sat against the yellow sheets on my twin bed saying to me, "I just had an image of us years from now. You studying. Me here. Us living together in a room years from now." Five years later, imagination is reality as we peer together over the crib rails of our two and a half month old baby boy so tiny in his cherry crib, that Bobby picked out and the bedding we bought together while I was pregnant, watching him self soothe wondering if I should pick him up or whether he is drifting into sleep. Side by side we stand together.

I think that is why I suddenly got so emotional seeing Corin in her beautiful wedding dress, listening to Lauren officiating the ceremony, and witnessing Bryan and Corin say their vows. My bridesmaid position pronouncing the visual view of Bobby as a groomsmen. I had the Dicken's affect feeling the present and looking back into our past when we were joined into a "union of one" five years prior.

How many of my prayers have been answered since then! Even Corin, I had my doubts that I'd ever be able to get close to her when we first met. I still remember when I felt it all change. We got off the plane in Hawaii and met Corin in the baggage claim and afterwards I told Bobby, "It's all different now." I could feel it in the greeting. God has done so much!

What has our "togetherness" experienced?

-many many prayers

-moving

-going out of the country

-losing and gaining family members

-losing and gaining pets

-pregnancy

-birth

-becoming parents

-homeowners

-new churches

-school

-graduations

-new jobs

-weddings

-theological changes

-ideological changes

I still get infuriated and want to rip his head off when he does something I can't stand but there are years to back it up now and a little face looking at me. The ebb and flow of emotions rests in something of a life we have created. For better or worse. Why do they put that morbid worse in there? I can hear the responses in my ear. But life and marriage shouldn't be getting "worse." It should only be getting better and better with everyday. Striving. Maybe that is the challenge we are living out together.

I haven't done all the things I dreamed I would do when we met. Maybe its the baby but for some reason I feel oddly fine with that right now. I like this family that has taken five years to sprout. I love our new baby.

I feel convicted that right now my iron spirit needs to be sharpened in patience. "Love is patient," has been pressed upon my heart with everything we have been experiencing lately family, baby, marriage. So part of my five year prayer is for my tongue and spirit my grow more patient to be more loving that God would strengthen our roots in patience. How beautiful to be able to pray so thankful and confident feeling God's commitment to us for five years. Thank you Lord! Your mercy and love abounds!