the queen and my boo

it started off with Napolean. knowing the smile we would share, i had to turn and look. my boo had his arms around my waist, eyes to the stage. feeling my gaze, he tilted from ani to me over a thought so connected only our lips could speak curling up and out wide enough to encompass the moment.

i read that libra's and scorpio's are the "relationship" signs in the zodiac. libra loves the courting, wooing, romantic bursts, long talks, charm, and lightheartedness. libra's are totally content in the wooing stage. blame it on venus, they feel alive. scorpio's feel the "urge to merge." what??!?! ugh..i pause until 7 flashes of BOB appear. scorpio's are too intense to settle for just courting, they want more. dirty!-as my students would say and i would remind them to remove their intelligent minds from the gutter.-no, this is about the scorpio!
they delve into committment, interpersonal, known for craving the deep spiritual connection in love. they bring the relationship to that next level. deeper committment, moving in, marriage, they marvel in loyalty.

when i read it, i laughed out loud. it was too us. i love the long talks, feeling close, rocks on my window at 3am, sunsets on the beach, romantic gestures, flowers, random dates, surprises, dancing alongside a road, snowy tackles, naked football, bedtime stories, serenades, neverending nights that lead to big breakfasts and afternoon naps, kissing in the rain, water fights, blowing off the day to just be together. yes, it's in me, i do want honeymoon movie love everyday of my life!

and then i met bobby. i had guys tell me they loved me before, but not like this. this was different. you know that feeling when you know someone is going to say something and you have that fear in your belly and try your best at diverting because your just not ready to take it there yet? that is the most difficult thing to do with a scorpio. they are relentless and won't give up. i don't like to have the relationship talk. it ends the wooing stage my fave game. i like to just be. to talk about everything but. to just know deep down inside where we are at. to not have have it confirmed because it loses the spontaneous beauty of it all. it ruins something for me. bobby, could never understand this about me. my lack of percision. my messyness. my scattered routine that can't handle the definitive. i don't get it myself. its just there. the first time we tried to settle on a date our different style shot out like a lefty and a righty thumb pointing the way on the same hand some kind of scarecrow magic. he wanted to know when, what time, what minute he could appear an pick me up for our date. i felt confined, overwhelmed, he was coming over tonight, give me some time, play it in the air, go with the feeling, it'll all work out. serendipty. i'll see you when i see you. the catalino, "whatever happens happens."

it made perfect sense in my ktlibra brain. i just got back from yoga, i was hanging out with ann, i wanted to hang out with her longer, take a shower, and then go out with him, so i calmly replied, "come over later."

boobies, "later? when? how much later?"
me: "i don't know. later"
bobby again: "when? fifteen minutes an hour?"
me: "just give me some time, then come." feeling it resolved in my head, i was ready to hang up move on and talk to ann again.
persistant confused bobby: "later? okay."
first date awkwardness pause on the line....
me: in agony. make it stop!!! let me go! "k, see ya later."

and so we roll. and now, looking back. its so us. all those things we couldn't really "get" have built up into all these intrinsically beautiful moments that we do.

even if i can't read his emotions in his eyes. i know he doesn't carry them there. i can feel it through him. the worry in his head, the stock debate, the thing that will make him laugh, that he will always be protecting me.

i know instinctively if someone puts there head in my view at a concert, it won't just bother me. boobs is on it! my own personal rescue cat. he knows, i won't want to infringe on the person. he faces a dilenma and i can feel it. say something or calm the protective scorpio fury. hmmm, resist an urge to confront, or recieve my distain and the annoying lecture i will inevitably give him later. a few seconds pass and bobcat asks to trade spots with me so i can see. not even listening to my reply he moves so i can get the best possible view of ani defranco wailing away poetically on stage before us. and as she sings, it hits me. i never have to make those needs known, he's always on them before i am, solving it for me. our internal dialogue of habit and thought.

i was surprised when ani played, "you had time." it was so beautiful. the sound, the chemistry of her and the band. i loved bobby laughing and cheering in my ear. his interest. getting to squeeze his hand at the good parts.

so when ani asked if anyone had seen the movie a crude awakening and bobby and i instinctively scream out hysterically since it is a top flick that rackedled my brain. and i start laughing (a little too loudly, a little too long) because the room turned to look at us centerstage 3 rows from the ani and my boo keeps screaming out talking to her-of course!-answering questions and i just giggle but love it so deep down in my bones that my boy is having a conversation with ani defranco in the middle of her concert about solar power activism protesting nuclear energy and supporting care for the world for our shared belief that we are called by our most glorious Creator to be stewards of the sacredness of God breathed life in the world.