driving home

i love my new house, but i totally want to move. its not the house. it's the country. its the government. it's the atlantic. it's east coast formality. its the vibe to be exact. (that and we have been here for 3 years now and i am getting the itch...oppps!)

traveling to maui and san diego woke the whale inside of me. i want to migrate. i just love the vibe of the west coast, that laid back feeling. i miss the mountain ocean fusion. nothing like palm trees and sunshine and that superb satisfactory feeling of pacific gorgeousness.

it is not that i am upset here, for i love waking up everyday to the d.c. sunshine, going to see my students at my job, and seeing the heads of tulips breaking the ground outside my house.

i am content.

but i'm also HOPing.

beautifully, my favorite month is here. february. it celebrates LOVE, it has my brothers & hailey's birthday, my mom and kenny's anniversary, celebrates the other half of the non white america, and for some reason i just love it. it's a great month. always. and afterwards, spring comes. quite splendid really.

dispite the name, reagan national is also my favorite airport. it is efficient, quick, and easy. brilliant for my style flying. they even updated the food court to boot out mc donalds and bring in healthier eatery. and it is wonderful to arrive, driving around reminded of how much i love the beautiful architecture. the small adorable d.c. that is my favorite city.

but city life right now, feels too cityish. and burb life feels too burbish.

i feel figity.

you can feel d.c.

it is a powerful place. it is motivated with opinions flying. the ideology, movement, and participation is entralling.

but lately, something deep inside me is asking for something else. something different. i want peace. i want to chill. to be surrounded from inside and out in open water. since my poor husband gets seasick just about when i am starting to feel free, my life on a boat is for now ruled out.

but my life on an island....

i long for the speed of life in pacific blueness!!!

on the boat in maui looking out at whales and just sitting, watching, and soaking in the masterpieces of God's creativity, i just wanted to be. to stay. and i remembered. this is my home.

the energy. the vibe. it is where i am! and i feel like at this particular time, i just want to go back home to pacific time. to rainbows. to this that happen, when they happen.

i know its about what i bring to my environment. i know. i can be peace inside of me.

but it's something other worldy to see bottlenose and my favorite spinner dolphins swimming, green sea turles, humuhukunukunukuapuaa's, and the entire life that spreads out before you in the ocean. to know we belong to a planet so big and diverse. to look out and be so inspired by beauty. that yes, is everywhere. but there is just something special about certain places. where you just fit. where you just know. to remember the illusion.

the illusion of this life. solid green ground that is really spinning, twirling, and orbiting somewhere in a galaxy who know exactly. as the Holy book says, "we are to be in the world but not of the world." i love how the ocean is so reminiscent of that truth that i am coexisting with so many other creatures even when i don't see them in my day to day vision. that i belong somewhere else. that this is not quite my home.

i love how other cultures stress the pressence of living spirit.

its that innate belief and knowledge of the magic of God inspired LIFE which is why i explain to my students that i cannot participate in the consumption of flesh. we are all pieces of something so much greater. God.

spirit that extends time.

i like to pretend while driving.

boobs would probably want to perish that thought in me but for the life of me i cannot help it. daydreaming just happens when traveling on a road.

sometimes, i go back in time. to the days before settlers came. "settlers" people wanting to "settle." seriously, i don't think i will ever understand these types of people. if i were them, i'd get another name or switch tribes. i think teepees are the life! how i would love to frolick native american style minus buffalo meat. this is especially great in virginia because it feels so real! like the new world. where it all "happened."

then, when i am just about to get home, on old telegraph road...i pretend there are no burbs, no cars, only horse drawn carriages on brick and cobblestone streets. i pretend that the banks family mansion still exists and i am returning from a ball where presumably i danced around someone like darcy and wicham.

and then, i slow down and turn left.

i come home and can't believe i have a house...a duma...a darcy.

is this my life?!?!!

i walk in to duma welcoming me. i kiss duma, talk to boobsie waiting up for me, an savenge for food. bobby tells me about the latest stock market news and suddenly, i am home where i belong. i feel perfectly pleased in that soothing content way that i always walk in to a house lit up with life in it waiting for only me.

(someday, it will just be closer to the sea).