revival

Sometimes there are things that get you by. And sometimes there are things that blow you away. When i first started emailing my someday future hubby, he blew me away.

the other night i got to stand beside bobs at a Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young concert from their freedom of speech tour. we sat at nissian pavilion connected by music and a massive crowd of a few thousand people who came together to stand up for something bigger…for peace.

We randomly scored cheapy tiks because my boy loves to spoil me. He knew i have always wanted to see neil young live but as tiks were a bit pricey we decided not to go to his tour. I was internally agonizing over this because he is touring an anti-war advocacy, which is the heart of my heart. Then one day (because he can’t contain his surprises) he told me he has been researching tiks for me and was waiting on an offer. AHHHH! Shouts and rockets went off! Yippies! Glee, joyous GLEE.

We had been planning on camping out that weekend. Knowing how disappointed i would be to not be going, bobby wisely decided to share the surprise early. How terrible of me to bellyache and be sore when a surprise was secretly in store for me! thankfully, he spared me of my wretched self. i quickly cancelled all camping anticipation and drove all my energy into planning a close day hike before the show.

i feel like sometimes we are electric. Bobby and i go thru extremes faster than current through a wire. One second we can be snugged up cozy whispering sweet nothings, the next we are at edge frustrated and crazed at the audacity of the other to be so steamin annoying, the next we are apologizing thru bursts of rationalization, the next we are purring like kitties, the next we are laughing like cats working together like best buddies of the universe. if our kids get any of the dramatic flare for exaggeration, its gonna be a bombshell at the talbert/gulley household. (Worse yet, if are someday kids are cool and calm, non emotional, type A playbodies, we won’t know what to do with them!)

We had a beautiful day together followed by a beautiful night. The sun was just fiery enough to set our skin aglow. The cooler temperatures from what had been in the upper 90’s- low 100’s F, swelled in the low 80’s. The refreshing temperature and wind keep us from sweating like pigs in a blanket for the first time in weeks. Bobby and i laid like bacon on a blanket in the grass drinking up sunshine and giggling bursts of conversation.

a delightful soul gave us tiks for pavilion seats minutes before the show. It couldn’t have been timed more perfectly. There was no opener, just the boyz. They didn’t need one. As they said, “they had a lot of songs to sing.” And they did. We couldn’t believe how good they sounded! Seriously…good! plus, the general energy of the crowd was mighty superb. The crowd energy can throw me off at shows. It can completely wreck the music. i walked outta ben harper 2 times because of this...i can't take this energy feeling. This was a sight to behold. Gals and guys who used to stand where i stand watching them in their 20’s now stood before CSNY (also well beyond their 20’s). brilliant. The first entire set were all anti-war songs for peace. we were watching guys who have sung their entire lives...white haired, balding, middle aged guys ripping notes and harmonizing, guys who went through Vietnam and lived through war and were still here today singing against it. i kept getting teary. And then, so did bob. There is nothing like feeling that feeling and feeling yr buddy feel it too. We just looked at each other in beautiful wonder. There is something so magical about seeing people committed in their souls for justice, fighting the good fight, baring the burdens, giving the bittersweet glory to Jesus, believing in goodness, and keep on working for this for their entire lives.

i felt so uplifted so refreshed in the brief community. i remembered how i cried when bush became president. How i stood in front of a tv monitor after a class at fuller and heard g.w. talk about Iraq and knew, just knew we were going to war. i cried and kept crying and worried myself into shrived cherry pit i knew i had to get out of. i remembered how i protested in the streets of California with strangers from churches all over. they gave me candles and walked with their kids and gave up their evenings to fight for peace for iraq. i remembered how a professor coaxed us through the traumatic timing when our country did not listen to international appeal, diplomacy, or just war principles, but acted unilaterally for war. He talked about the depression it can bring and i knew i had to separate myself from the news for a bit because it was affecting me too much. But the people of Iraq could not turn off their tv’s to escape the bombings. They have endured it everyday. The people of Iraq.

We are all just people. i think weapons are so cruel and disillusioning. Can you believe we seriously MAKE weapons to inflict pain on another fellow image bearer? Creepy! Worse yet, we use them, and make more, bigger, better, stronger, NUCLEAR! (whimper! whimper!) And now, with Lebanon and Iran…sometimes it feels like life gets so out of hand.

it is hard when i am embarrassed to use the word "christian" because our current administration uses the term to defend beliefs and actions that are personally repulsive and nothing i want to have anything to do with let alone signify as true to my core of faith. it is hard to live in a time when our government is divisive and conservatives are on one side of a battle line and democrats are on another with both of them firing animosity like pistols at one another. How is our country supposed to be assisting “nation building” and “democracy” internationally when we use weapons and physical force as our main form of communication?

i am so sick of war. It only escalates and more lives are lost. beings. And i am not even living in the everyday horrors of it! i know nothing of the consequences and brutal aftermath that each family in Iraq is dealing with.

Then i heard bobs singing, “don’t need no stinkin war!” my top fave had to be,

“lets impeach the president for stealing our religion.
For hijacking our religion and using it to get elected
Dividing our country into colors
And still leaving black people neglected”

This came in the second set after a series of classic CSNY songs. While i love their music, there was something about their protest songs that kept me hoping for more. And then it came and raged and climaxed with, “keep on rockin in a free world!”

i left the show that night, revived! seeing neil young alongside crosby, stills, and nash blew me away. not only were they incredible, but the energy and power of their words echoing through a crowd of strangers stung me with tickles of awe. Music has that way of voicing all those things you can’t begin to explain and splatter them in front of you in the most honestly grueling emotionally therapeutic way. It not only knows my soul, but gets me to voice that emotion and let it out. i was anew. All that weight, was shared by everyone. It doesn’t go away. it doesn't omit or eliminate the situation. but it does give the comfort that we are not alone, and if we stand together our voice can be loud, powerful, and even beautiful. Its what neil young says is the junk from, “living in war.” we mustn't merely endure it. we must stand together and do what we must to persistantly fight for what we believe even if the weight of the world feels overbearing and tragically depressing. we aren't being bombed right now...but someone else is. they are running for their lives, just trying to survive. its our turn to use our safety and protection for them. not alone, but together, in any way we can.


http://www.neilyoung.com/lwwtoday/index.html