back to the future

the other night bobby and i caught the end of beaches-the old bette midler sobbing fest movie-. for some reason my husband has loved that movie since childhood. seriously, he had the soundtrack and everything. i've thought this just odd knowing my brothers, but after watching it with him and seeing his appreciation for a friendship that lasts over time...i'm glad he watched and rewatched this movie instead of say g.i. joe cartoons or something violent and callous. i found myself at the end of the movie curled into bob the anticipated tears sprawling down my cheeks. we reminisced the dramatic last scene as bette wails out, "the glory of love" in the hollywood bowl, and how the first time we saw a concert there bobby relived his beaches moment...back when we lived in california.

i started to think about watching this movie after the time gauge has passed a few years and we are no longer kids developing friendships but adults (no! that word is so old!) pursuing the dreams of our youth. a surreal feeling began to loom. i feel time happening and can remember waiting for it to happen all at the same moment. all of the sudden the present is here and after being so used to waiting for it, it doesn't feel like the past or the present or the future...its just feels like time. as i read to hailey in her pooh book, "the world is not shrinking, you are getting bigger roo!"

my little brother, my companion of youth is now off on his own building a life. he has completed the quests of boyhood graduated from high school and college and is now on his own living half way around the world in China. the future has come! only it is not the future anymore, it is the present. once i fix the dials in my head, i start to see the signs everywhere. life is happening. ego.

i wonder what eternity will feel like...