working in a school environment with sixteen girls, every moment is spontaneous. i instinctively move about guessing my way. then, those small quick moments of each singular girl come back to me and i wonder, "should i have done that?"
its the plague of what i call the teachers conscience and what others describe as "taking work home with you." since i have started social work in college and before, since i have ever worked with youth this has been a "struggle" for me. i have never understood the phrase, "don't take your work home with you." it was drilled into us in psychology, sociology, etc. and yet, my life is my ministry. is there any way else to take it? i know there is a point in which i must surrender everything to God. to know with great faith and trust that God is taking care of every child. but, i think there are great dangers of not taking the emotional side of work home. i am not a fragmented compartmentalized person. i am a whole being. my heart and my feelings are wrapped up in every moment i am in. where i go, so does my heart. when i am at school, i share my heart with my students as they share theirs with me. we exchange pieces of ourselves in conversation, moments of our lives. we share ourselves. how can this not be personal? how could i not care about them whether i am at school or not?
i want to love as God loves. to see each student in the eyes of my Maker. i know i need to learn how to release what i am ingesting and how to process it and surrender it all to my loving Mother and Father's care, to heal, and be rejuvenated with love so i can give it. but, i am not quite sure how to do this without taking it home.
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