beachtime thoughts

today we saw a dolphin swimming by the shore. i ran in the water thinking more would be near. but instead i just got a close up of a lonely swimmer taking his sweet dolphin time. strange since, dolphins rarely swim alone.

bobby and i got to lay out in the sun, roll our feet in the sand, read, and think beach time thoughts.


i walked the shore and looked for shells and got all sandy. its amazing how being near life and past lives can be so grounding. holding handfuls of sand i kept thinking about the lives of creatures it took to make up the glitter and grains that so easily covered me everywhere.

for the first time bobby gave me a compliment i agreed on. he said he loved my hair and i agreed, beach hair is the best, sandy, salty, windy, and free flowing waves. i only regretted it when i had to brush it later.


as my mind drifted in and out, i thought about how i can torment or tantalize myself by the power of my own thoughts letting them control me and stir my emotions. i can punish myself thinking of all the things i am not always comparing myself to something more i could be, i can be amused by the simple play of birds crossing the shore for dindin, i can feel life happening and watch it like a spectator, or somehow work and rework my own thoughts so that i can somehow be trained into some form of change.

i watched the birds walk about looking for fish. seagulls trying to steal other birds catch of the day cawing aggressively. little white birds with long legs and necks perfect for shoreline fishing. note, my strong knowledge of birds species. i had an adam smith moment watching the uniquely specialized nature God created us with. birds perfectly built so their legs were high enough to walk in the shore so they would not get wet. sharing equally long enough necks to get down into the waves and snatch a fish with its beak or like the pelicans, made for giant swooping and dive fishing. looking at the birds flocking to the sea in front of me, it seemed so apparent and amazing that God crafted creatures with unique designs fitting their purpose for the specialized role they were made to play in nature. but as the magnifying glass can sometimes get too fuzzy the closer you are, i can so easily wonder things, like how bobby and i do fit together, or what my gifts truly are, when in God's vision it must seem to evident how perfectly everything "fits." like how i wonder if our sins are so apparent to the All Wise One that it is almost as if sins are as visually noticable as color to our eyes. that just by looking at me, my Maker sees my reds or yellows and just knows what i am coveting in the thoughts under my skin. no, i am not just thinking of green with envy. and, even tho i know these things cranially, i love it that my angels and Holy Spirit opens my eyes up at times to focus in and feel it all. i just wonder what i am missing from my limited view that makes me completely oblivious to all the things that are truly so obvious.