vacation

yesturday, i rode first class on united back to d.c. to end my vacation in china and st. joe and return to my home. the night before my vacation was ending, i filled the tub up nice and hot with Xtra bath bubbles and oils. my plan was to let it sit there until i finished packing and hanging out with mom until she went to sleep and return to my bath at perfect temperature. only, i talked too long, got distracted, was supposed to hang out with tina and returned to my bath finding my carefully prepared solution emptied down the drain. grr! upon this sight, i stopped.

my mind was filled with too many "things." things i needed to do, go, say, be, prepare, and i reached my brim and became fickle and decided not to meet any of the obligations i knew i should be doing and ran around my room naked while the tub refilled with water while i gathered my precious books to read and soothe my inner aches along with my journal and a pen. i laid in the water and read and sat until i fell asleep.

then i woke up and shaved and put on ylangylang scented oils and carried my books to bed with my journal so i could write to my God and rattle off all the pressing anxieties that were piling upside me and waited on my pillow for silence and a chance to be utterly alone.

my prayers answered i awoke refresh ALIVE jumping at 5 a.m. packing, ordering & sadly saying goodbye to my highschool memory ladden room. i met mom in the kitchen for breakfast and chats, hung out with tina, and then waited for my grandma to arrive to say goodbye and head out for chicago.

i love my girls. i love seeing tina and seeing how she is maturing into an incredible mother, supporting her family, and yet is still the same generous fun loving girl i love and now also admire for her inner strength in life's trials. i love growing into sisterhood with my mother. i love her not wanting me to leave but just to stay and have a fun visit playing together. i love how easy it is for us to be together, the way we talk, take baths, watch old love movies like this visits audrey hepburn flick, make big breakfasts, do pictures, girly stuff, talk theology, see her friends and i can watch the she always does so much for the people around her. she is walking energy. i love seeing my grandma and her friends, how social and busy she is, her humor, her livelyness, her grandmotherly tendancies to worry over everyone in the family with her love, and the way i know we love one another without having to do much to prove it. i love seeing my little brother and watch him grow into an adult, seeing his animated self and the way he makes me and everyone laugh, the way he likes to take care of me even though he is the younger sibling, feel his easy going independence and goodness. i love exploring with him, shopping, hearing him talk chinese, hanging out in his room watching lost episodes, meeting his pet turtles, and just chilling together.

as much as i love vacations, exploring, visiting loved ones, sharing special moments and laughs, i get burned out and begin to need time to regenerate. as much as i know this about myself, i never realize it until my bear starts to growl inside. my horoscope sign is a balance scale. it says that i am supposed to need and crave balance and get off kilter and need to regain harmony in my life. (don't we all!) my mom used to tell me to dance and spin when i got so crazy inside. my horoscope said i go through periods of intense energy and then need to rest. i am not in the lest regimented, organized, or routine. i am spuratic in action and impulsive in energy. so sometimes as great as vacations are my soul craves a silent lonely one just for me and my God to take. the imaginative and persuasive Holy Spirit carries me along when i don't get those moments and instead have to harness more and more like a camel until i snap and something causes me to lull into a stop and i stop everything going on and veg until i am ready to run into the world again.

so sweet Mother and Father who knows all of my odd needs before i even begin to know let alone understand them, guide me and give me the obedience i need to know when to rest and when to play and when to just sit and know that you are God.