Noel

Bobby's favorite is Bing Crosby, while mine is Brenda Lee. This year, we've added some new ones to the collection: Sarah McLachlin, James Taylor, Frank Sinatra. And of course there are always the old classics, the Carpenters for instance. Christmas music. Somehow i am turning into my mom! Bobby and I love to have the Christmas music going, the tree lit, the decorations just so (well maybe just me on that one), the candles burning, and that great Christmas feeling in the room. Our tree gets frazzeled daily when Hailey comes down to play with all the ornaments on it!

Ever since I got married the Christmas story impacted me in a new way. As a young engaged couple traveling to California or Bethlehem together, I experience it from a new perspective as a young wife. a girl, just a girl, & her boy traveling around trying to serve God together, not knowing exactly how its all gonna work out.

What hits me more than anything this year, is that you can doubt anything. Elizabeth had a baby beyond her years and in his realism, her practical husband questioned the angelof the Lord and was struck speahless until the birth of his son. you can doubt anything. as much as i know this mentally, it still astounds me emotionally. how? why?

faith is not faith until it knows the doubt and believes despite it. you can doubt anything, the angel of the lord...maybe i was dreaming. maybe it wasn't really God speaking. the little details like mary impregnanted by God, the big things like a savior coming into the world. the entire process of jesus being born could be doubted by the very ones it involved! God does not eliminate doubt when Jesus comes.

when i think of mary and her doubts (God, why this joker joseph!?!?!! i am carrying your son! where are you!?!?!!!! her loneliness, her alienation, her judgements, and comparisons) i love her immediate answer to the angel of the lord, "yes! use me, do it!" i love her impulsive obedience and cannot even imagine the persistant faith it took for her to live out that promise.

we can doubt anything. anything. doubts can feel so heavy and powerful. a disillusion or a reality. doubt can keep you from seeing the truth. and yet, its only a thought. its just a doubt. and even tho its real its not really real. its not a concrete thing we can feel. it is just a small thing compared to the miracle of faith that lives actively all around and through us not just as we celebrate it in the past, but daily available for us to join in. and yet, the hardest thing about that belief can be fulfilling the promise to live out our faith obediently.

thank goodness we are not alone. for some reason, god used people. 3-dimensional folk. but we are used. and the fullness of God is not manifested as brightly as when we all shine together. learning how to live out our obedience persistantly together.